Parenting during a pandemic

Managing parenting and work during social distancing and self-quarantine can create stress on both parents and children.

While many enjoy the privilege of more family time, emotions can be amplified by disrupted education, teleworking, lower income, and family illness. Parents need help from their employers and support systems—and children need reassurance from their parents, which can be a challenge right now. Still, we can make proactive steps to create a positive environment for ourselves and our families with some helpful and effective steps.

Helpful tips for parents and caregivers

Keep structure

Children learn how to act by watching their parents and caretakers. Keeping to a schedule—while allowing room for hiccups—will provide a positive environment for both you and them.

1. Create. Make a schedule for both structured activities and free time to allow children a sense of comfort and security.
2. Participate. Have children help make the schedule. Participation will create a feeling of ownership.
3. Plan. Keep to bedtimes and bathing times. Get dressed in the morning, and eat regular meals. Keep school subject sessions to 30 minutes each to maintain kids' attention.
4. Move. Be sure to include a time for exercise each day. This is important to help reduce stress and provide an outlet for energy. (If going outside isn't an option, dancing, jumping and hula-hoops can be fun outlets.)
5. Wash. Make handwashing a normal routine with fun with 20-second sing-a-long songs, or by creating a rewarding sticker chart for younger children.
6. Divvy-up. Create a chores schedule with children and other adults in your household. This can lighten your load and provide a sense of accomplishment for kids.
7. Remember. Write out the schedule (get creative!) and place it where everyone can see it.

One-on-one time

Spending time one-on-one with your children makes them feel loved, secure, and important. While finding time for yourself likewise can be a challenge, the following tips can foster better feelings for everyone involved:

1. Try to set aside time with each child daily. 20 minutes will do the trick, and a repeated daily time (like noon every day) will allow them to look forward to it.
2. Give your attention. Listen to them, look at them, let them know you care. Turn off screens—theirs and yours—so that this time is impactful.
3. Ask your child what they want to do. Whether it be playing or talking, this builds their confidence by following their suggestion.

Babies and toddlers can have fun making silly faces, reading books, and singing songs. Young children further enjoy drawing and reading, while teens may like chatting about interests, cooking or exercising together.

Stay positive

Remember the old adage: You get more bees with honey? Positive instruction and praise goes a long way—especially with children.

1. Use affirming language. Instead of, "Don’t make a mess!" Say, "Please clean up your toys."
2. Tone is everything. Speak calmly, say your child's name, and don't yell—which only stresses you both more.
3. Praise good behavior. This reinforces that you notice and care. (Then watch them do it again!)
4. Be realistic. Children can't sit quietly for an entire day. Match your expectations with what they're capable of doing—like sitting quietly for 15 minutes while you're on a call.
5. Keep your teen connected. Socializing is especially important at this age. Help your teen stay in touch via social media and video-chatting.
6. Ask about feelings. Be aware of how you talk, which is what your child will register, more than what you say. Talk about COVID-19 in a way that they can understand.

Behavioral help

All children misbehave. Although normal, "bad" behavior typically increases when kids feel tired, hungry or afraid—which can raise parents' anxiety, causing a circle of upset. Mindfulness is the key to avoiding frustration. These tips can help:

1. Redirect actions. When you see restlessness start, distract with a fun suggestion like, "Come on, let’s play a game!" to catch the meltdown early.
2. Take a timeout—for you! Every parent feels like screaming at times—especially during a pandemic. When this happens, pause for 10 seconds: breath in and out slowly, five times. Then try to respond in a calmer way. (Breathing exercises can do wonders—see below.)
3. Use realistic consequences. This discipline can help kids can to be responsible for their actions: Be calm, offer the consequence (such as, you cannot watch TV if you continue doing that), follow through, and then offer the child a chance to do something good afterward—and praise them for it.

Remember to breathe

We've never experienced this before—and we're stressed, we're scared, we're tired. One of the most important things you can do is to take care of yourself, so that you can take care of your kids.

Here's a short and simple exercise—that you can do anywhere, at any time—throughout the day:

1. Sit. Find a comfortable seat, ground your feet on the floor, and put your hands on your lap. Close your eyes if you'd like.
2. Listen. Ask yourself, "What am I thinking right now?"
   a. Notice what you think: It positive or negative?
   b. Notice what you feel: Are you happy or not?
   c. Notice how your body feels: Are you tense in areas?
3. Breathe. Place your hand on your stomach. Then listen to your breath go in and out. Say to yourself, "It's okay. Whatever it is, I am okay." Then return to listening to your breath.
4. Listen. Notice how your body feels. Listen to the sounds around you.
5. Reflect. Do you feel different at all? Open your eyes.

Remember that you're not alone. We can all benefit from a break, so try your best to fit in something fun or enjoyable every day. Taking time for yourself will enable you to take time for your children when they need your support and reassurance.

Silver lining

The COVID-19 pandemic is hard, exhausting and life-changing for many. If we're lucky, we can look back at this experience as an opportunity to spend more time together, to reflect on what's important, and to see how strong we really can be.

This is challenging for everyone, so be kind to yourself—cut yourself some slack. We're all doing the best we can, and that's all we really can do.

Published on May 7, 2020

Sources

World Health Organization

UNICEF

Yale Medicine